Stuffed Celery and our Paleo Feastivus!

 The other day a few friends and I gathered for a Paleo Feastivus. We talked a lot of paleo at this event. Shocking, I know. I bet people hate talking to me. It's all about crossfit, food, Vampire Diaries, how stupid I think people are and how funny I think I am. How depressing to not be me. Anyways, something that came up was the lack of healthy snack options we have. I can only consume so many nuts and veggies before I start to grow nuts myself...LOL. See, I made myself laugh. Me so funny. So,what do we do? Give up and eat cookies and chips? No sucka! Start making stuff! So that's what I did. I always seem to have eggs, bacon and avocados on hand. And sometimes I buy celery to make "ants on a log" without the ants. I took these ingredients and made a stuffed celery variation. If you like bacon and eggs or stuffed celery, or egg salad sandwiches or lettuce wraps or deviled eggs, here is a perfectly easy "stuffer" for you. Stuffer? That doesn't sound tasty, but it is.

Ingredients:

-4 hard boiled eggs
-4 strips of cooked bacon
-1 avocado
-1-2 TBS whole grain dijon mustard (depends on how spicy you like it)
-Garlic salt and Salt & pepper to taste
-Paprika 

Directions:
-Chop everything up and mix really well! Add garlic salt and the salt & pepper until you are satisfied. Stuff whatever you feel like stuffing! I chose celery and I was happy!
-Sprinkle with paprika so that it looks fancy!


~You could add more to this mixture to add more flavor even. Olives, pickles, onions. Whatever floats your boat!

The tasty recipes that Natasha and Wende made for our feastivus are linked below! These were really, really tasty recipes! I highly recommend trying them no matter how you eat. How can you go wrong with anything that's grilled?! Trick question, you can't! So just do it!

 This is pretty much how I cook. I am pretty BA.

Sweet and Sexy Chicken Wings!


^These wings were the best chicken wings that I have ever had. Seriously. Yum. Thanks Wende!!


Ginger-Lime Marinated Shrimp!

^So quick and easy! I can't wait to make this myself! Thanks Natasha!! 


Paleo Gumbo! It don't get no better!!

^I've never had gumbo before!! This was also one of my favorite new things that I got to try at our feastivus! I can't wait to make this also! *Made by Natasha! 


BOOM!

No pictures, no recipes. Just straight up.

I wasn't even going to post this to be honest. I even considered deleting this whole thing. Mainly because people are idiots. I can probably safely assume that the people who took time to be offended and leave comments about that were only reading my blog because they felt hated on. That's fine. we've all got something to say. Yes it's true, I can be a jerk and be offensive. I prefer to not be a sneaky, lying bitch about it. I like to be straight up. To me, it takes a bigger person to not be fake. So there is no recipe today. I've been cooking but pictures and recipes didn't seem to go along with this post. I don't even care if anyone reads this. I felt like I owed it to myself to let it be known, regardless of what gossip you heard, that  I'm not just a cold hearted, arrogant, self righteous bitch.And really, if you took my previous post to heart, and were really butt hurt about it, I just don't care and you're probably the type of person I didn't give a shit about anyways.

Sometimes I wake up and think "man, I just want to offended some people today." So I head to my jar full of "sensitive subjects" that are written out on slips of paper. I close my eyes and pull a slip out. Each "sensitive subject" gives me an idea of who I can pick on for that given day. Other days I wake up and think "man, I am a lucky girl with some awesome people in my life" and I go look at my little yellow sticky note on my fridge, that's actually been cut down into 1 quarter of its original size because the other size was just too big, I look at the list of people I actually like and then I think one nice thought about them. Then I still go to my jar full of slips and do what I always do, judge. 

I am gonna talk some crossfit here. I heart crossfit and I think it's a good time. I love how it portrays the image that a strong woman is a sexy woman. I've never been a petite flower; I've always been athletic and muscular. I was always very self conscious of myself because I felt like I was awkward and gross because I was "bigger" then most girls....and some of my ex boyfriends....(I even beat one at arm wrestling once-true story). Part of the reason I've fallen so in love with this culture is the open love and appreciation of a strong, hard working woman. There are some woman who do crossfit that absolutely inspire and motivate me. From my toes to my headband, they move me. I don't give a crap about Kristen Clever (I think she's a dude anyways) or Annie Thorsdoody. The women who inspire me are the ones I get to sweat with everyday. Ever since the crossfit open one woman in particular has motivated and inspired me more and more each day. Her name is Patricia, and she kicks ass. I'm not writing this to build some friendship bridge with Patricia or to impress anyone, I don't even think Patricia knows that I have this blog ;). I don't even know if anyone knows that I have this blog.... Wait, no I do know because I got some complaints about it last week.
Patricia is a mom and wife and a coach. She's about half my size and one of the sweetest firecrackers I've ever met. I wouldn't give her lip if she was my mom. During the open I had the opportunity to watch Patricia workout for the first time. I can't really express what I thought and felt when I watched her but I guess I could say that I was moved. Annnddd... If you know me, you know I'm not a mooshy, emotional, girly type. So keep that in mind as we get further along. I watched Patricia work her way through the 45# and 75# snatches. She made those her B. Next up were those 100# snatches. I watched this woman, who I think weighs about 100# herself take on that bar. She tried over and over again to get at least one snatch done at 100#'s. Not once while I watched her did I see a sign of defeat or disappointment. The only thing I saw was determination. In that moment there was no longer coach, mom, wife or Patricia. The only person I saw was a fierce athlete. An athlete determined to defeat the weight. I was impressed, I was awe struck, moved motivated and inspired. Wrap that all up into one and you've got Star, choked up and biting the inside of her cheek so she doesn't like, cry or something weird. 

It's not just the "team competitors" or "hard core athletes" or "crossfit douches" that can turn on "BEAST MODE". I know this. I don't think anyone has a claim on this Beast Mode so many speak of. But it's very rare to honestly see a chick turn it on. Sure you see woman working hard everyday, everywhere. But, going beast mode, that's different. (Not familiar with it? Google. it, I don't have time for that.)
It wasn't just seeing Patricia turn on beast mode. It is watching her stick around the box for 2 + hours to cheer for everyone and to help them. It is listening to her give the big dudes a hard time. It is watching her and her husband workout together while their daughter bounces around in princess costumes. She's just respectable, lovable and hard working. It is honestly people like Patricia that make me want to be a nicer, better person (never gonna happen though).
But this is what I love about crossfit. You don't just inspire people by how hard you work out. It's not just about that. It's about who you are in addition to that. Crossfit is not who you are. Your attitude, your family, your personality and your effort for that one hour, that's who you are.

Cupcakes and sunshine!

 Embarrassing fact: My baking cups are either heart or flower shaped.

My last blog/recipe post/rant was pretty intense. Let's lighten the mood for the weekend with a cute cupcake recipe. Looks like it's going to be a lovely weekend in Central Oregon!!! I'm getting out on my bike to hit some trails! Hope you all get out and enjoy it as well! As promised here is the Chocolate cupcake recipe!

 This is the epic spot I will be visiting this weekend!

I am pretty proud of these to be honest.I was trying to match the Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcake's that I received from my friend Wende. Peanuts are a no go in Paleo so I borrowed the cashew "frosting" recipe from PaleOMG. It's good but I think next time I'd like to go for more of a chocolatey type frosting.

 I made my own coconut butter for this as well. I'll attach a link to a website that I used that showed me how to do it. It's very simple. http://www.thekitchn.com/one-ingredient-recipe-coconut-butter-166405

Ingredients:

-1/4 cup coconut flour

-1 cup almond meal

-2 egg whites

-4 eggs

-1/3 cup cocoa powder

-3/4 cup coconut sugar

-1 cup coconut milk @ room temp

-1 TSP baking soda

1- TSP Vanilla extract

Directions:

-Preheat oven to 350 °F

-Mix together the flours, eggs, egg whites, cocoa powder, sugar, coconut milk, baking soda, and vanilla extract in a large bowl.

(I had to do some adjusting here, add coconut milk or almond meal to get the right runny consistency that was easy to mix by hand).

-Scoop the batter evenly into cupcake liners.

-I baked for 25 minutes and that was perfect.

-Insert a wooden pick and if it comes out clean they are done.

-Let cool and then frost!

-Notes-

    -I use silicone baking cups because the cupcakes come out of them much better then paper cups.

    -Since this is my first baking recipe there was some adjustments done with the coconut milk and almond meal in order to get the right consistency. (give me a break OK ;))

    -I get coconut sugar at Food-4-less....Ugh I know, the worst store in Central Oregon. 

    -I never trust the baking time a recipe gives me, and that usually works in my favor. I suggest the same for you. Keep an eye on the cupcakes. Better to be safe then sorry :)


 Here is the frosting! http://paleomg.com/easter-weekend-double-decker-carrot-cake-cupcakes/

This is my friend Dennis Collins.

HEY HALF ASSERS!! THIS ONES FOR YOU!

You are about to get to know me a little bit better. This is a rant with a recipe on the side. Straight up. Please know I would never say any of this if I didn't hold myself to the same standards. So, HEY YOU HALF-ASSERS OF THE WORLD!!!! I AM CALLING YOU OUT!

  Guess what they do? Nothing. They wear crap and show up. That's not good enough.

This is doing.

I don't know about you but, the only reason I do anything in life is so that people think I am cool.

I actually don't even like to do stuff. I just like to tell people that I do it.  I'm about to teach you a life lesson here people. It's not about passion, it's not about trying your hardest or even doing the crap you say you do. Nope. Surprised? Just wait. It's all about pretending to do what the cool kids do, it's all about faking it. You don't even have to try at all. Ever. But you can still claim that whatever it is you're pretending to do is what you are most passionate about, and that you do it all the time. Be fake. Oh wait, don't forget that you've got to dress the part too. That's very important.

I walk in wearing an Elvis suit, tell you all about how I can sing,dance and jam. BOOM! GUESS WHAT?! I AM ELVIS.

I wear cut off jeans, boots and a flannel shirt and tell you how awesome I am at bull riding. I am a freaking bull rider now.

I wear a helmet and some awesome kind of jump suit and tell you my monster truck's name and BOOM, I drive monster trucks for a living. 

I walk around with a snorkel mask on my face and an air tank on my back, tell you I love fish. SHAZAM! I LOVE SCUBA DIVING!! Even though I have never been. 

I am wearing knee high socks, Lululemon pants, reecock shoes and a headband. Guess what my number one passion in life is? Crossfit. You guessed it. But really, I just like to go roll around on the floor.

This is what you think you look like-----------> This is actually what you look like.

Jack-wagon.

Just because you talk about something, wear some stupid shit and talk about it more, does that entitle you to stake your claim in it and cry PASSION to the world? Well, you can, but that also makes you a douche bag. You are a spectator, nothing more. Do you think the peasants who went and watched Gladiators in battle called themselves Gladiators? Doubt it.

Ok, time to get serious. To an extent it's none of my business what people do and don't do. I get that. Why should I care what people do with themselves? Because they are missing out! There are shorting themselves! If you care enough about something to just pretend that you do it, why not get something out of that slight interest that you clearly have? When you fake it, you are only lying to yourself. If your going to talk about it, then do it. If you are going to show up, show up with your game face on. I believe 100% that you don't get the glory if you don't do the work. I'm not saying you have to be good at whatever it is that you do. You don't have to eat, sleep and breath it. But you do have to try. I really like mountain biking, I suck at it but dang it I go out and try. I really love fishing, I have no idea what I am doing but I load up, all by myself even and go fish!  

So what's bugging me today? Fake people. Pretenders. Half-assers. Step up to the plate dog (ya,a white girl just said that). You wanna call yourself a gladiator? Put on your f***ing gear, I am calling you out.

----Comment from your editor (Pat) - "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right." My Dad used to always tell me that. : )

You know who was a bad ass? Buffalo Bill. So here is a recipe that I named in honor of him.

Buffalo Bill's Balls or...Buffalo Stuffed Mushrooms.

The smoked sea salt and ground cardamon give these mushrooms an awesome smokey, savory flavor. 

Ingredient's:

 -1lb ground buffalo

-8 cremini mushrooms, stems removed (save and dice them up)

-4 TBS Raspberry vinegar

-2 TBS olive oil

-2 carrots, shredded

-1/2 onion,diced

-1 TBS smoked sea salt, ground

-1/2 TSP cardamon seed, ground

-1/2 cup almond meal

-1 TSP ground black pepper

-additional olive oil for 'basting' the mushrooms

Directions:

-Preheat oven to 350°F

-Heat olive oil and raspberry vinegar on the stove top

-Add your shredded carrots, onion, mushroom stems, sea salt and cardamon seed.

-Saute until the onions are cooked through.

-While the veggies are cooking, baste the mushrooms in olive oil. Lay flat side down on a cookie sheet and sprinkle with smoked sea salt and pepper.

-Remove veggies from stove and combine with the ground buffalo in a mixing bowl. (the veggies will be hot obviously, so just use a mixing spoon)

-Add 1/2 cup almond meal and 1 TSP of pepper and mix.

-Form balls, fill your mushrooms

-Bake for 35 minutes.

Notes:

-These guys get A LOT of their flavor from the smoked sea salt. While normal sea salt would be fine it's not going to give it that smokey, savory flavor. I got mine at Trader Joe's for $1.99.

-I got the ground cardamon seed from the bulk spice section at Fred Meyers.

-Ground beef would be a fine substitute, I just like buffalo :)

Comfort foods!

 Some lucky dinner winner almost got the honor of having spatula in their bread....I found it once it was done baking though :)

 

 Heck yes that's cheese you see!

 

I am pretty full of it. I have a 'rough' exterior that's all tattoos, jokes, bad words and name calling. But on the inside I'm all marshmallow puff. A gushy little girl with pigtails and a sundress playing with her My Little Ponies. Sigh. Right now that little girl misses her mommy and daddy who live in Texas. Another part of the "true me" is a fat little kid who loves food and turns to it to make her feel better. So, the other day I was looking for something that would make me feel comforted and make me feel at home. When I think of my mom and the foods she used to cook I think of her homemade spaghetti and Parmesan cheese french bread pretty much every time. I've already done a paleo spaghetti so that wasn't going to be too exciting for me so I went for the Primal Lasagna from Fast Paleo. I do have a clear visual of my mom laying out lasagna noodles in a pan in our kitchen at our Wickiup house in Redmond.I'll be honest though, I never liked her lasagna much (Sorry mom, you can't win em' all). So,this lasagna was awesome. My non-Paleo friend came over for dinner and she approved of it along with Mike and Pat. So, here you go, satisfy your inner softy that misses your mom and also that inner  fat kid who loves good food.

I'd just like to note that I am currently going through a "cheese phase".  Cheese is acceptable in Paleo as long as it comes from pasture fed beef and blah blah. Whatever, I love cheese. I'm going to eat it if I want to sometimes ok. You know what else I love? Bread! So here's a tasty garlic bread recipe to go along with that cheesy goodness. YAHHH BUDDY!

http://fastpaleo.com/primal-lasagna/

 .

Don't worry that's just a hunk of garlic in there. It's not the spatula. 

http://fastpaleo.com/amys-herbed-paleo-garlic-bread/

The Paper Bag Chuck Roast w/ bacon wrapped sweet potato fries

This is a meat package.

Hey, want to make the best roast you'll ever make and not really have to do anything for like 24 hours? Want to try some tasty sweet potato fries? That's what I thought, read on my friend. Mike is my roomy. Mike is also a ginger. There are a lot of rumors going around about those gingers these days but Mike has actually proven some of these rumors to be false....not a lot of them...just one actually. Gingers ARE NOT completely useless... A mass majority of the other rumors and that whole "Gingers don't have souls" thing are still up for debate. But Mike can cook, that's part of the reason his nickname is Cinnamon. One of the things we have in common besides our offensive sense of humor is the fact that we both love to try new recipes.  When Mike brought "The Paper Bag Chuck Roast" recipe to the table I was pretty impressed. I was so impressed that I judged him and his ginger-ness just a little bit less....and by 'little' I mean it only lasted like 5 minutes and I was back to judging. This recipes isn't really a hard core paleo recipe bu,t I'm known for being rebellious like that so you should learn to deal. So here it is, THE BEST and EASIEST roast you will ever make in your entire life...If you don't agree take it up with the ginger...But don't make him angry, you won't like him when he's angry.

Ingredients:
8-10 lb boneless beef chuck roast
1-2 cups gluten free soy sauce
1/2 TSP sea salt
1 TSP fresh ground black pepper
1 TBS Lawry's Seasoned Salt
2TBS garlic powder
2TBS onion powder
2TBS BBQ seasoning mix (Mike used Pappy's seasoning mix)
2 TBS Old Bay Seasoning

Additional items needed: Large roasting or sheet pan, heavy duty aluminum foil, butchers string, large brown paper shopping bag.

Directions: Preheat oven to 225º F

1. Tear 3 sheets of aluminum foil large enough to cover and seal meat
2. Place meat in a mixing bowl and pour the soy sauce over meat being sure to get the soy sauce all over the meat.
3.Place meat on sheets of foil
4.Mix all the dry seasoning together and rub over the top and sides of meat.
5.Bring the first sheet of foil sides up and fold together being careful not to let the liquid run out. Then fold up the ends of the foil to seal. Make sure there are no leaks.( Guess what, ours leaked and it was fine)
6. Continue folding up the reaming sheets of foil one at a time.
7. Carefully place the wrapped meat in the bottom of the brown paper bag and fold the bag snugly and tie up with two pieces of butchers string.
8. Place "the meat package" in the roasting pan or sheet pan and cook for 24 hours.
9. Pull the packaged meat out and let rest for at least 10 minutes.
10. Removes the paper bag and carefully (it's hot) open the foil and lift the meat out with a spatula.

I'm going to be honest; when Mike and I looked at the roast after we opened the foil our reaction was pretty much, "Oh crap, it looks crunchy and dry as hell of the outside." Fear not, it's what's on the inside that counts. Shoot...I guess the same could be said about gingers?....Watch out, teaching life lessons here too!

There is just something about the combo of bacon and sweet potatoes. It makes me want to dress all in pink and go watch Titanic in 3-D. Here is the link to the recipe! I added a dash of chipotle chile pepper to ours to give them a smokey little kick!

http://www.health-bent.com/pork/paleo-bacon-wrapped-sweet-potato-fries

Enjoy! If you don't like it then you probably messed it up and it isn't my fault.